"Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow them." - Louisa May Alcott
I have had this running through my head since I came across it. I have been racking my brain recently trying to think of what I want to major in, basically decide the age old question "what do I want to be when I grow up?". Of course this means that I have to really decide which direction I want to send my life into, I have to grow up. Now despite the many changes in my life I have made toward adulthood, this is something I am having trouble doing. Granted I have gotten married, purchased a vehicle, moved away from the parents, I pay my bills, all of the responsible grown up actions. The idea of leaving my old life of partying ans spontaneity scares me. Not that I have truly partied or done anything wild and crazy in years, I still held onto the idea that I still could do all of this if I really wanted to. While I am sure many of you are thinking you can still do this no matter what major you pick, the truth is that I think this is a large part of what is holding me back from making a real decision. I feel that making this choice, a choice that will essentially point the rest of my life into a solid direction, is my way of saying good bye to my young carefree days.
I have realized that this decision truly requires a lot of thought about what my other goals would be in life. Goals about children, whether I want to buy a house, where I would want to buy a house: in the city, in the country, the suburbs. Will I want to be a stay at home mom or a working mom if I have kids, do I want a job that pays a lot or a job that I will LOVE or a middle ground. In this search through my head I have realized that my life is completely different then I expected it to be. First off most of my life, up until about 7 years ago I never expected or really even wanted to get married or have kids. Obviously I am now married and apparently have considered children. I expected to be living in an apartment by my self in downtown, hopefully with out a roommate, working some basic job, taking a couple of classes here and there and living it up with my friends, maybe with a boyfriend here or there. In fact I ran into an old school mate the other day who I hadn't seen or talked to in 8 years or so and after I told him I was married he got a surprised look on his face and responded with " I never thought you would be the type to get married". His comment could be taken in a few ways I suppose, but either way it obviously wasn't something anyone expected or foresaw me doing, including my own mother actually. I now am married, thinking about children, am saving money for the future, and am considering going with money over happiness for a career.
Nothing has turned out the way I envisioned, so this quote made me think where is the beauty in my life? What is my sunshine? What am I reaching to achieve?
- Well my husband is very important to me, we are good together, we help each other when we set out for goals. I am very grateful he is in my life.
- I have stability, which I never thought was really essential before but it is very comforting to have. I don't worry about, what I am coming home to or how I will pay my bills. I know I have what I need and I don't have to worry.
- I have realized that I love school, I enjoy learning. I love having something new to talk about and knowing what I am talking about. I also love to teach others what I have learned. I find knowledge fulfilling.
- I love money, I like learning about it, reading about it, managing it, I want to make my money work for me instead of working for it. I like spending it too, but that isn't always a good thing.
